I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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