Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
