Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
