You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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