I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
