ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
