The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
