nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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