I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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