first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
