checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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