Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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