I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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