I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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