Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
