Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
