hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
