do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
