Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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