i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
