Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
