OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
