I accidentally had phone sex last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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