So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
