youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
