Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
