how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Pants are for mortals
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
