If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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