In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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