booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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