I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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