I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i think i just lost a toe
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
