Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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