you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
