I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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