Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
