is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
