; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
