Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
