Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
