Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
