so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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