She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
