but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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