Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
