Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
