just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
