VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
