wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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