hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
