hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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