I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
